Savoring Time

In my travels around the planet, the places and cultures I have encountered, the many spices and tastes absorbed in my appetites for adventure, I must say that I came late to the practice of savoring. I am in such a place of supreme 'pause' now, that I can begin to appreciate what this slowing down might mean to my taste buds. Can't work now, concentration on outside things minimized, so why not explore that magic quarter second- open to the muse of supreme savoring?

To savor. Expanding awareness into a full spectrum of the senses and impressions, simultaneously appreciating and lingering in more or less isolated detail(s).

In my lust for escape and edge-y experiences in the first half of my life, sitting and savoring just wasn't a practice I sought in my normal activities. Seashore sunsets, mountain tops and other places of extraordinary beauty would stop me in my path, and I would drink in the impressions, yet I had no 'regular practice' of savoring. Sensual savoring, that is. Of course, I would 'sit'; that is purposefully stop and serenely observe my mind, body and breathing. Yet that savoring seems now somehow deeply distant from this wonderful new and buoyant approach to eating and food that this time of healing is offering me.

The most divine Chocolate -Dipped Strawberries were gifted yesterday by a friend and my buds have been consumed with the complex blend of texture and taste and temperature. ...Some Chocolate -Dipped Coconut Almond Morsels slipped between the strawberry pods were delightful surprises to pop into my mouth too. Last night and this afternoon, as I savor the results of my latest PT visit, the intensity of the Denver speeches last night and the all pervasive Hope for a future of Creative Freedom in our country.....I appreciate that simple tastes can hold the complexity of things human, with that special need I have for the exotic and innovative and extra-sensual too!

Now imagine our kitchen here in our historic federal style Albany house filled with extra iron rich Molasses Cookies, Moroccan Pea Soup and Couscous, other offerings of Meats, Cheese and Fish - all medicine because of the love and caring necessary in the preparation.

Now savoring all these healing ingredients, I daresay I feel buffeted by the nutrients of the natural food elements and perhaps more so by the artistry and intentions of their creators.

Even the Enchantress from Florence, Salman Rushdies's latest novel- came over the threshold to accompany all these savory foods to help create an array of supports for my body, my mind, my curiosity and my taste buds. All for the most precious gift ever : my return to a natural gait.

Newell sure likes it too.

My heart and soul are also so appreciating cards and plants and calls, messages of support and love; all-around serving to provide me resources to regain proper gait and balance- yes that is the call!.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, All

Physical Therapy

Greetings!
Mid-day report after visit from the PT:

(oh, and if yesterday's poem seemed a bit 'out there', just imagine yourself in a boat watching the light shimmer over the water, wind crafting designs on the surface, waves lifting you up and down - the deep swell of the water felt beneath- and now you know the sensation accompanying long days, hours, moments passing as healing happens in what seems like a timeless capsule) ...oh these pain medications....!

So PT visits are challenging - rehab instructions come from Pamela, my energetic home-visiting physical therapist. She observes me walk, pushes and pulls on various areas of my new hip and leg while I sit or am lying down. I try to participate as much as I can. Today she taught me about proper 'pushing off' with a straight leg, so not to compromise new implants.

I'll practice more when I go out for a walk in the Washington Park this afternoon.

Nano Buoys - a Morning Poem

Earth's Beauty so balanced
Yet the Clock is so close to marking the final moment.

Time is shattered in a nano by a sound, a glance or mis-step;
Whether the strike of the hour depicts real Time passing
Or simply serves to reveal another buoy in the bay?

Onward.

These strikes, these hours, these buoys, these bays
Mark an emerging quality of simplicity;

Breath invited inward no matter what mark of Time
And visions of swirling Beings All
Colors swimming up toward eternity where
Imbalance robs no One

And our eyes see the same,
One buoy at a time.




-Allie Middleton

Albany, New York
26 August 2008

Monday

Beautiful afternoon by the Hudson River.

Sunday at home

Allie spent a few hours this morning writing a long inspiring missive on her experience so far. When I came back from a bike ride she had somehow deleted it and couldn't figure how to get it back.
She said, probably just as well. The important thing was writing it out in the first place. Ahh the wonders of technology and good pain medication or is that meditation??
It has been a beautiful day. Tonights walk was a big one - five blocks to El Loco's for dinner. home in time to watch part of the end of the Olympics ceremonies on our big 12 inch TV scene. It's another of those rare moments I think about getting a big screen. Then again it will be four years until the Summer Olympics happens again and maybe it will be time to go to London and see it live.

The Inner Journey

Well, really too much to say on this front (because it is still emerging from my being and bones- I'm expecting useful details will come out later as my movements become more free, and I feel safe to express my thoughts on this inner journey post-hip replacement revision surgery, or whatever really has been going on here...more coherently. 

What I know is this: when the structure of anything gets changed around, there's a lot of adapting, adjusting to do to test 'the new'.  It's not like I am a victim of a critical incident, yet the effect of this surgery to help my hip, thus leg, thus whole gait and form become more balanced is like providing me with an opportunity to allow a lot of unfinished questions to be thrown into the healing hopper and allow what emerges to be known as 'Allie's hip .2 '.  AKA, that's me at age 55 receivign wholhearedly the possibility that each moment continues to be a miracle of learning and that my passion for depth and transformations gets played out over and over again in the events of my life.  It's challenging,, it's exhiliarating, this adventure of living fully.  Finding those new dimensions who will allow me to sing their songs will be my eternal quest, essential seeker that I am.

Certainly brings up issues of trust and capacity.

And oh- Sorting out the impressions of the hospital stay is a whole thing unto itself too; the many contacts with St Peter's staff, the two pastoral counselors who were there at the right moment, my sweet roommate Amelia and son Ron, the day nurses and busy nurse techs, Jeff, the gorgeous night nurse - all these people and activities presented quite a different set of distractions than those in my other routines, for sure.

Yet, somehow, the basic reality emerges again and again - that somewhere in the soup of S(s)elf, I am balanced and whole already!  The gateway of the body/SOMA is my chosen work, so I get to practice on myself first. Hatha Yoga is the practice of disciplines of body breath and mind, in order to access insights available from the subtle bodies. Kripalu Yoga stages of practice are incredible resources to me right now.  

Guardian angels, the divine , family and friends have been so present during all this time of transformation and transition;  my more introverted self has been mightily stretched with beloved husband and now excellent nurse Newell so comfortable as such a gallant public person.  This blog was his idea of course and I have to say that I am glad.  All the other posts have been supportive, but this forum gives me a chance to try to let the muse out and flow through the waves with the delightful newness of  feelings experienced by the releasing of tears the other day when I felt the full weight of my body evenly balanced by both soles of my feet on the floor.  I had not had the sensation of both full flat feet on the ground for some time.  When that realization was finally absorbed my pain-medicated brain, I stooped over and began to sob, as I have been doing regularly since.  All my esoteric friends say, yes! cry, express, release, forget the whine, complain...never suppress, just find a new way of 'being' through all this. A recent recommendation is to write as if I were the voice of the tears.... 

So that means my next post will be some poetry, I guess

Allie's First Musings at Home

So the nurses said, the doctors said, and all the residents continued to say: "follow the post -op requirements!" Your hip revision replacement will stand a much better chance of long term success - With the amunt of pain these types of surgeries create, please be aware that I will be following the regs 'to the "T". and probably more!. A 7-year difference in age, and a more complicated surgical procedure does make a difference...yes, it hurts.
But there's lots of help, to get through it all, meds to to start: and there are three booklets, three handouts, several lists of do's and don'ts- etc, etc; but the best are the toys - remember those plastic lobster claw grabber gadgets they made as a kids' toy? Well they are solid occupational therapy rehab items now; to help get on the socks, shorts and the like. Had several lessons while in the klink - also have a very snazzy sock-and shoe ' puller-onner' gadget, a sharp long handled shoe horn and a brand new set of forearm crutches... Whoopie.

Uh Oh, just heard the 10 pm alarm and nurse Newell has appeared, very sweetly reminding me that energy is precious - at least I'll get a start on the night - but know that the foam wedge between the legs makes for mighty difficulty sleeping.
Night night all - the dreams have been amazing, too!

more about the inside journey another time...
LOVE Owlie

and thank you for all the incredible vibes of love and support - Newell witnessed me in a real meltdown, trying to take it all in...
always

Allie's home

Allie was set free from the hospital around 2:30pm.
Walked up the stairs and out watering the back flowers right away.
Its a beautiful hot sunny day here.
Slow down girl!!
She is down for a nap now.
Low on iron.
Steak and spinach salad tonight.
Day one really begins...

Coming home tomorrow

Allie was up walking around a few times today. Step by step by step....
Needed a nap afterwards.
Overall much more awake.

She heard she will be coming home tomorrow after PT.

Hospital Day Three - AM

Allie heard from one of the assisting doc's that they were able to take out all of her old apparatus and put in all new parts - top and bottom. Thats what we wanted to hear!
More later...

Hospital Day Two

Up doing PT and OT in the early morning and PT in the afternoon.
Hard work. Painful. Pain meds help.
Definitely going to stay in the hospital tomorrow and probably another day or two.
Frustrations with the pace and thankful to be doing as well as she is.

Enjoying wathcing the Olympics at night.
diving, 200 meter run and womens beach volleyball....

Allie in Orthoped floor

Allie doing well. she is pleased with what she has heard so far about the outcomes of the surgery. She was floating in and out of awakeness. Pain meds doing there job.
Left her at 8:30 with a trashy thriller paperback , New York Book Review, the Metroland and journal paper.
She figures she'll wake up off and on in the night.

Post Op

Spoke with Doctor Czajka, Allie's ortho surgeon, at 1:45 pm.
He is very pleased with the outcomes.
He did not have to break her leg to get the "pin" out.
Was able to correct the leg length discrepancy.
She was in surgery less than 2 hours.

Allie is now in the post- op recovery area.
The receptionist in the waiting room said she will be there for the next 2 to 4 hours.
She will then be moved to the Orthopedic floor at St Peter's.
They will call me then and I can go see her.
N

Surgery tomorrow

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday August 19th at 11:30am at St Peters Hospital in Albany.

For those of you who have been calling. I will fix the phone answering set up so it sounds like one of us.